Invite: An Introvert version
As Dina introduced in our previous blog post, 2022 is a year dedicated to shifting our habits and behaviors in order to improve our quality of life. START selected one theme for every month of this year that aims to examine our experiences and foster change. Last month, Dina spoke of “purpose”. February brought us the word “invite”.
“Invite” typically conjures up thoughts of people, guest lists and parties. Invite can be a celebration… a welcoming of sorts… or even a temptation.
For me, the idea of being invited anywhere usually kicks my social anxiety (which typically rests at a baseline of 4/10) up to a 7. It does not matter who will be there or what the event is. In these instances, “invite” usually does not elicit joy or excitement. I view “invite” as a noun. Words I associate with it include: formal, obligation, summons and provoked. Somehow, at the same time, the opposite is also true: when I do not get invited to events, a few drops of doubt and shame mix in with my relief. Not being invited meant that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t accepted or wanted.
The Good News
Sometimes, I am able to reframe my thought structure with simple word changes.
I reexamine the word “invite”. Now I look at “Invite” as a verb. There is power in it. Choice. I can select who I want to spend my time with, when and where. It is not a thing in my path, but an action I can engage in. I do not have to wait to be invited somewhere, nor do I have to accept an invitation. I can invite people too. When I invite someone to something, I am saying “I want to experience this with you.” Suddenly, “Invite” brings to mind other associations. Words like “welcome” “accepted” and “celebration”. Not only does it acknowledge a person’s existence, it encourages them to share the same space with me.
[START Creative Arts Therapy Services provides a resource that aims to assist in identifying negative thoughts and patterns and reframing them. It is available to everyone here.]
Because I am an introvert, I do not become energized by daily socialization. Continued socializing drains me; I can feel the energy leaving my body when I spend a lot of time with people. Do I get excited and fulfilled through stimulating conversation and events that support my personal interests? Absolutely. Are large, public parties with crowded settings a place for me to do that? No. Therefore, although it seemed natural to approach the monthly theme of invite with some type of big party metaphor, it was not in my blood to do so. The closest thing I can give you now is a reference to J.R.R. Tolkien.
NO ADMITTANCE (EXCEPT ON PARTY BUSINESS)
I am Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (you know… the younger version before he found the ring and went all obsessive). I love a great meal at home with invited guests. We can “party” if I have allowed you into my home with advanced notice and you’ve brought food and drink. In The Hobbit, Bilbo’s house is unexpectedly visited by 13 dwarves. They eat all his food and drink and sing into the night. They talk of a buried treasure in the very mountain they once called home and were forced out of. Bilbo agrees to be a part of their Company, even though he is never technically invited to do so. The dwarves doubt his abilities and he is scared to venture out past The Shire. Magic played a part (looking at you, Gandalf).
This all may have seemed like a tangent. I bring it up for three reasons:
Bilbo’s adventure in The Hobbit is a perfect example of what can happen when you take part in something that you were not invited to. 13 dwarves (plus a wizard) become 15 friends. He has experiences that hobbits never even dream of (some amazing and some terrifying). He finds a part of himself he never even knew existed.
We all need a little magic in our lives. We look to Gandalf and Harry Potter and such… but a lot of times that magic is in our own damn selves.
I’m using BILBO as an acronym for things I want to invite into my own life this year (and years to follow). I invite anyone who is reading this to come up with their own acronym for what they wish to invite into their life. (No, it does not have to be Hobbit related).
BILBO: Lindsay’s formal invitation
The following five things are officially invited into my life: