Breathe
The Oxford Language Dictionary defines “breathe” as “take air into the lungs and then expel it, especially as a regular physiological process.” They identify some synonyms to be “respire, draw breath, puff, pant, blow, gasp, wheeze, suspire” and the last two on the list were “inspire and expire”. When thinking of where to begin in my reflection on “breathe”, I found it easy to define “breathe" as we know it - a regular physiological process that we need, otherwise we are void of life. What I immediately discovered was that I had a battle with “breathing” and those last two synonyms “inspire and expire” would help me reframe and give It* new meaning.
“Wheeze” resonates with me as I was a young dancer with activity-induced asthma and remember struggling at times to keep up with a fast-paced environment. What I recall now, looking back on over 30 years of a dancing career, was that it never stopped me from doing what I loved. Wheezing just forced me to slow down sometimes. Reset. Turn inward. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to go on. I now see that period of time as my resiliency training.
Years later, my asthma nearly disappeared, and my physician informed me that my lungs essentially strengthened. I was happy to be diagnosed with something I could grow out of. I then found myself holding my breath when I danced. I distinctly remember feeling like “If I hold my breath, I can distract myself from how challenging this is and just push through”. It’s as if my mind was tricking my body that if I held my breath “nothing would go wrong” and I could just “keep it together”.
As I evolved in my dance career I learned that’s what started breaking me down. Tiring me out so much sooner than my peers. After graduating high school, I trained in the Radio City Rockette summer intensive program. A very respectable dancer/trainer encouraged me not only to breathe but to breathe slower than the rhythms of each piece. This was the complete opposite of what I knew. This was hard to unlearn. Breathing then allowed me to further my technique, keep up those eye-high kicks longer, enjoy the choreography, and even add more character to my performance because I wasn’t just focusing on “making it through”. Instead, I was able to think of my place in the movement. My personality was alive in my performance and I had the chance to let it seep through even more than I thought it could. I remember feeling like a new dancer.
Fast forward a decade. I learned from my new embodied movement and found more meaning in using this movement to help others rather than catapulting myself into a career in dance that I just didn’t have the stamina for (literally and figuratively). Life in my “almost 30’s” was far different than my “almost 20’s”. The breath holding had resurfaced in a way that felt familiar. Life presented more challenges: family illness, financial stressors, and a struggle to maintain a work-life balance. I was literally holding my breath to “keep it all together” while hoping nothing would fall apart. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and my body was hanging on to this in ways I didn’t realize. My joints began to hurt. I was increasingly exhausted from the day to day life. I experienced “brain fog” and an irritability level that I was not proud of. Honestly reflecting back, things during this time weren’t even so stressful. But it was the waiting. The anticipation of stress led me to hold it all in. There again went the single most important physiological need out the window. Breathing, even allowing the time to breathe and acknowledge that I was breathing, was not on the priority list.
Now I am a licensed mental health professional with almost 10 years of experience. I speak so highly of the importance of “taking a breath” and what it means to both emotional and physical functioning. Holding your breath can decrease the oxygen flow to the brain. Holding your breath can cause abnormalities of rhythm and affect the pumping action of the heart. Holding your breath can decrease blood flow to all major organs and force some to even work in “overdrive” weakening the body overall, the immune system being another focus. These all feel like “no-brainers” if you will. “Of course, the body would suffer!” Yet when offered scientific facts in an open, authentic conversation with those evaluating their well-being and making efforts to heal, this is crucial.
By the same token, I have lost count of how many times my clients, who I can confidently say build a strong trusting relationship with me, roll their eyes when I say “Okay it’s time to take a deep breath”. In society, it seems that “just taking a deep breath” is offered as a problem solver. My clients offer me quotes from loved ones trying to offer them encouragement - “Okay. Seriously relax. Take a deep breath. It’s not that big of a deal” or “Just take a deep breath and everything will be fine”.
We could sit here and question intention until we’re blue in the face (see what I did there). Yet that wouldn’t take away from the fact that it is unrealistic to assume that “just breathing” is going magically transform someone’s issues into a sunny day or worry-less experience. In my own personal and professional experience I believe it is so important to view breathing as a gateway. A gateway to improved perspective. A gateway to more clear perception. A gateway even to a brief moment where we can laugh at our “old selves” (including ourselves maybe just 5 minutes ago who weren’t breathing or thinking as clearly as we can) and say “Okay. That was me then. I got this now”. Breathing, deeper breathing, is a way to help us improve our current state and reframe what we already know.
The most meaningful way I engage my breathing and ways I even offer this to my clients… is where we come to the most stand-out breathing synonyms on Google… “Breathe in what inspires you. Breathe out was has expired within you.” In my daily breathing practices (Okay. I’m working on it. Maybe weekly) I take time to “Breathe in what serves you. Breathe out what doesn’t”. Take it a breath further. “Breathe in what excites you. Breathe out what causes fear”. And further ... “Breathe in who makes you laugh. Breathe out who weighs you down”. And further ... “Breathe in what makes you proud. Breathe out regret”. This style of breathing can allow your full self into the experience and create an inner visual experience, helping activate all of the senses and deepen the connection to yourself.
So as this new year begins… a new journey to wellness and living a fulfilling more meaningful life….. Take a breath, would ya?
“Breathe in what inspires you.
Breathe out what has expired within you.”
* At START, we work to heal that “thing” that makes our lives difficult. When we discuss an issue that feels complex and/or unmanageable in everyday language, we simplify the issue by giving it a name. Often, people tend to refer to their struggle (a loss, a consistent fight, an illness, etc.) as “It”. In this post, Ryann sometimes refers to her exploration of breathing in both a literal and symbolic sense as “It”. Our creative arts platform takes this “it” concept further into a series of “It” projects. This allows anyone in the community to express their “It” through a more creative platform. To take part in these projects, you can check out our START Creates website and social media for updates on the latest “It” Project opportunities.