The Invitation

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

Winston Churchill

‘God’s Love’ (2022). Chalk Pastel & Oil Pastel. Victor Franco

Conflict

Throughout my life, I have personally struggled to accept my sexuality as a same-sex attracted, cisgender man. I grew up immersed in fundamental Evangelical Christianity. I consistently heard messages that akin to “a lifestyle of homosexuality is against God’s order” and “God made Adam and Eve, not Steve”. Overall, I witnessed and experienced both great joy and great corruption in church settings. After all, I’ve come to understand that churches are composed of imperfect humans. We live in an imperfect world. Hurt people, hurt people. When people don’t understand others and do not seek understanding, they tend to hurt them.

Faith

It has been a great source of growth and empowerment as well as a great challenge and pain to embrace my identity as a Christian believer in tandem with my sexuality. I did not receive much sound guidance while growing up in church, as it pertains to reconciling these parts of myself. My home environment was an unsafe den of emotional and physical abuse perpetrated by my father. He brought my mother, brothers, and I to church but never thought to get to know us one-on-one. I never experienced the emotional affirmation of being my father’s son. I was just a mouth to feed. 

In my late teens, I made the decision to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. After all, I could not rely on the faith of others. I wanted desperately to believe that I could develop a personal relationship with God. I did so, but I would have trouble relating to God as a Father figure. For many years, I suppressed my attraction to the same sex. I did this successfully on some occasions more than others. I wanted desperately to honor God. I’ve recently matured into believing that I can honor God while finding happiness with a like-minded man. I simply need to be understood. I need to go through this with someone, not alone. 

Authenticity

This journey has been arduous. I’m still building a support system to help me and a future partner walk through this conjoint identity of ‘gay Christian’. It is not that I particularly always wanted this conclusion. I never expected it. I thought I needed to remain celibate until God ‘transforms’ my sexuality to that of heterosexual. I was not designed to be alone. I overly esteemed heterosexual couples and wanted what they can easily have within a framework that is universally acceptable and preferred. Yes, I still want to get married. I still want to have children. It may not, however, look like what I expected. I do not believe that the form of peace, the conclusion I’ve come to, is for everyone who esteems faith while also experiencing same sex attraction. I do know, however, that it is the right conclusion for me. 

As a licensed art psychotherapist, one of my areas of specialty is to provide guidance for individuals who are also on this arduous journey—whether they identify as ‘LGBTQ+’ or not. It is my honor to help individuals discover a greater congruency between their faith and their sexuality. It is my privilege to help individuals live joyfully and experience life to its fullest, whatever this looks like for an individual. To this end, I use trauma-informed techniques including mindfulness-based cultivation of body awareness, narrative-based trauma processing, as well as various Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools. 

God extended an invitation to me. He desires to love me as I am, where I am. This inspired the art piece ‘God’s Love’, as seen above. In a conscious effort to extend an invitation to you, a potential client, to seek the help you desire, I invite you to select a word or few words that you want this journey to embody. The word I choose is ‘perseverance’. I will not stop until I fully restructure my life in accordance with what I know is right for me. I hope you will join me in the fight to discover true self-authenticity. Thank you for reading, truly. I hope to meet you soon.